


every second, every minute, every day

by chiikausa



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oddballs cuddle pile, The major character death is Ritsu, he is already dead before the start of the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 03:10:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20251204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiikausa/pseuds/chiikausa
Summary: Two weeks. It felt like two years, but two minutes all at once. Every passing second was torture, a constant reminder that he was more alone in the world, that he'd let one of the most valuable people in his life slip through his fingers, that if only he'd done more, he'd still have a brother to care for, but instead, Rei had been gutted. His heart was empty, and with each day that came he felt more like a husk and less like a human than ever.If he had even felt human in the first place.





	every second, every minute, every day

It had been two weeks since the most turbulent night in Rei's life. Everything beyond had been a blur, but he still heard the panicked voices of nurses and doctors ringing clear as day in his ears. If he closed his eyes, he was still there, holding his little brother's hand while chaos ensued around them. _It will be alright, stay with me. This will pass. I'm right here with you. Please stay with me. Please..._

The sound of the heart monitor flatlining haunted his sleep.

Two weeks. It felt like two years, but two minutes all at once. Every passing second was torture, a constant reminder that he was more alone in the world, that he'd let one of the most valuable people in his life slip through his fingers, that if only he'd done more, he'd still have a brother to care for, but instead, Rei had been gutted. His heart was empty, and with each day that came he felt more like a husk and less like a human than ever.

If he had even felt human in the first place.

He'd stopped going to school. Where most teachers would have been sympathetic to his situation, Kunugi-sensei had instead sent him home with the next month's worth of assignments, stopping by once a week to tutor him. And, where most students would hate the persistence of a teacher like this, Rei found himself appreciating it more than not. He was behind enough as it was—there was no sense in piling the work even higher. There was no telling how UNDEAD’s practices were faring, and he was afraid to think about it, let alone ask.

Minutes rolled into hours that rolled into days and another week passed before he could blink.

He got the mail, as usual. He sighed, listless as he tossed letter after letter addressed to Ritsu in the trash. Then, he paused, swallowing thickly around the sudden lump in his throat.

_No...no, it can’t be..._

Rei stared at the letter in his hands, shaking. It had been addressed to him, not Ritsu, from an esteemed University conducting research on their condition. It was a thick packet. It must have been good news. Tears trailed hot on his cheeks before he could stop them.

_You're too late. It's too late._

He didn’t even want to open it. But it would be rude not to. Unsteadily, he tore the letter open, blinking the wetness from his eyes so he could read the contents.

_Dear Mr. Sakuma,  
Our research efforts have been realized, and we are excited to inform you that we’ve developed prototypes for a possible cure to you and your family’s condition. Attached are details and instructions for dosage…_

A small noise wrangled its way out from the back of his throat, and he slammed the letter onto the counter. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t _fair._ He couldn’t stop shaking, anger and frustration and resentment pooling together with the torment already ripping through his heart. He sank into a stool to steady himself. Was he hyperventilating? He couldn’t tell. His cheeks were hot and wet and his head was spinning, and he felt an overwhelming need to rest. He sought solace against the kitchen countertop, feeling slight relief from the cool granite. It would only take a minute to calm...only a minute…

-:-

Harsh, rapid knocking at the door woke him. Peeling his eyes opened, he sighed. It was dark, meaning he’d slept for hours. He sat up, groaning a little from the aches that had set up camp in his shoulders and back. _Who in the world…?_ His tutoring session was tomorrow, so it wasn’t Kunugi-sensei. If his parents came home, they would have unlocked the door himself. There was no one else that Rei was prepared to see at all.

He debated not getting up. Just...going upstairs, crawling under his covers, and going back to sleep, pretending he hadn’t heard anything at all.

Something nagged at the back of his mind, and he stood, ambling to the door to crack it open. He blinked, rubbing some of the exhaustion out of his eyes and hoping it would clear some of the fog that had settled over his mind. When he peered through the slit in the door, his heart stopped.

“Kaoru...kun…?”

Kaoru fidgeted with a bag on his shoulder, looking fraught with concern. _Why…?_ “Sakuma-san...can I come inside?”

_No._ Panic struck his chest, flaring out like a wildfire and making it momentarily hard to breathe. Kaoru couldn’t see much of him, as he couldn’t see much of Kaoru, but the last thing he needed was an innocent heart like Kaoru’s to be infected by Rei’s darkened one. Besides, Kaoru tended to only seek him out when he had a special date in mind, so Rei reasoned it wouldn’t be too hard to get him to leave.

He began to close the door. “I’m sorry, but—”

Kaoru’s hand was on the doorknob before Rei could stop, concern replaced swiftly by a bright, burning determination. “_Please,_ Rei. I just want to help.”

Rei was dumbfounded, staring at Kaoru’s hand on the doorknob. He was surely stronger than him, and could likely push the door open himself if Rei continued to fight it. But he couldn’t let that happen. He applied a bit more force, reaching up to secure the chain to keep Kaoru outside.

“I am as well as I can be. I don’t need help.”

“Whatever act you’re trying to pull, it’s _not_ working, alright?” Kaoru huffed, pushing the door open only to be stopped by the chain. He groaned. “Have your parents been home?”

Rei swallowed. “Not in a few weeks.”

“Then you need to let me inside.”

Suddenly, he felt defensive, and his faint curiosity won out above shoving the door closed in Kaoru’s face. “Why?”

Now, Kaoru’s cheeks went red, and Rei watched his eyes flit about before settling on the ground. _“Because,”_ He huffed. “Koga and Adonis worked hard on making you this food and they asked me to deliver it to make sure you ate. They're–I’m—" He hesitated, taking his hand off the doorknob to fiddle with the bag again. "We're worried about you, and even if you don't let me in, can you at least take this food? I don't want it to go to waste."

His juniors had made him food? And Kaoru had come all this way to bring it to him? It brought a thousand questions to mind. Did Kunugi-sensei tell them something? Unlikely—he would retain Rei's privacy unless given permission to do otherwise. Why didn't they try to contact him another way? (Well. It wasn't really like his phone was on his person most days, he supposed.) All that aside, it was too sweet a gesture to turn down, Rei knew. But accepting help felt like admitting defeat.

As if on cue, his stomach whined. _Right._ He slept through most of the day, so he hadn't eaten...at all. When _had_ he last eaten, anyway…?

He closed the door undid the latch, and re-opened it fully, standing to obscure himself a bit from Kaoru's view.

"Very well. Come inside."

If Kaoru had anything to say about Rei's appearance, he kept it to himself. Rei led them both to the kitchen, where Kaoru sat the bag down, unzipped it, and took out five little bento boxes.

"They made a lot," Kaoru explained. "They figured it would help you for the week."

He handed one to Rei, and he took it, feeling a little numb. He opened it while Kaoru busied himself storing the rest away. It was beautiful—one compartment had a healthy, hearty-looking salad, another housed a bit of chicken katsu, and the last had a small portion of rice with a bat cut out of nori and pressed into the top. _Just like our unit logo…_ His chest bloomed with warmth, though it fled as quickly as it came. _Ritsu would have loved something like this._ He hiccupped back a sob, fresh tears spilling when he thought he’d been done for the day.

“Rei? Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Kaoru wrapped his arm around Rei’s shoulder, pulling him to his chest. He caressed the back of Rei’s head, softly shushing him. “It’s okay. I’m here for you. I won’t go anywhere if you don’t want me to, okay?”

Rei just nodded, lamely accepting Kaoru’s comfort. He felt so _stupid,_ allowing himself to be set off by something as simple and thoughtful as a bento made by his juniors. Kaoru's shirt was going to be damp, but he couldn't get himself to pull away. It was safe in Kaoru’s arms, safer than anywhere else in this mansion had been.

-:-

Kaoru visited nearly every night after that, sitting in the kitchen while Rei ate. It was his only substantial meal, and having Kaoru around helped a great deal more than he thought it would.

Another week passed.

It was Sunday, and he'd done tutoring with Kunugi-sensei already. Rei had asked Kaoru to stay home—he deserved a day to himself, after all, and he looked happy to be able to spend the day at the beach. In no world could Rei have asked Kaoru to keep him company. Not when he looked like the darkness of the mansion was beginning to seep into pockets under his eyes.

He couldn't drag anyone else down with him.

Rei was in bed. He'd slept a lot after Kunugi-sensei left. They'd had an exhausting conversation that ended in a threat to repeat another year unless he went back to school soon. _"There is only so much I can do for your attendance records, Sakuma. The faculty is here to support you, but you need to seriously consider showing up again."_

He was right. Rei couldn't imagine how worried the others must have been, too. By the sounds of it, Kaoru was doing well to lead UNDEAD in his absence, but Rei couldn't help but notice the stress he was under. It wasn't fair.

Nothing seemed fair, these days.

Rei found sleep to be difficult, despite how much of it he'd done: night terrors of yet more loss plagued his thoughts, tormenting his sleep the same way passing sirens shook his core during the day. So he found a compromise; laying tucked up to his neck, idly scrolling through photos on his phone. Mostly, he felt numb, though he knew better than to think the numbness was more than a dam keeping back another flood of grief and tears.

He sorely wished he had taken more photos of Ritsu when he had the chance.

A brief rap at his door was his only warning of company before it swung open in a flourish, and Rei nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Rei! I have not been summoned, though fate brought me to your door, and here I am, your very own Wataru Hibiki! Surprise!"

Rei shifted to lay on his back, setting his phone face-down on the nightstand. Covers still tucked up to his neck, he couldn't wipe the shock from his face. "I am...certainly surprised. What brings you here?"

"You need company," Wataru said, stepping into the room. "And what better than that of your dearest friends?"

Friends…? As in more than one? Sure enough, behind Wataru filed in Natsume, Shu, and Kanata. "Oh, you've all come," he said, lamely.

"Of course we did," Shu said, his tone sharp, but soothing. "It's been a long time, Rei. It's only natural for us to want to check on you."

Natsume immediately took to crawling into the bed, moving the covers around to curl at Rei's back. "Rei-niisan would do the same for any of us, right? So of course we're here. You don't mind this, do you?"

Suddenly, Rei felt a bit meek. "Go ahead."

Kanata perched at the edge of the bed, whereas Shu slid in closest to Rei, allowing Rei to rest against his chest. Wataru draped himself across the space that remained. It was moments like this where Rei was grateful to have a large bed, as all five of them fit comfortably without being cramped.

"Rei," Kanata turned to face him, crossing his legs. "The 'death' you have experienced. It is only 'natural' to feel sad. But, many of us who 'rely' on you would not want to see this keep you from 'moving' forward."

He knew that, but he found no energy to build a reply. Shu's hand ran slowly up and down his arm; Natsume draped his arm around Rei's waist and nuzzled his back.

Kanata continued, his eyes dropping to the sheets as an unfamiliar concern pressed into his expression. "This loss affects us 'all'...in different ways. The news is 'spreading,' like a slow ripple in a lake. Have you told anyone personally?"

Rei's stomach bottomed out. _Oh, no._ He'd neglected to make contact with all of Ritsu's friends, to break the news to them. _What a task…_ He struggled to swallow around the lump in his throat. He took a shuddering breath, shaking his head. Natsume squeezed his waist a little tighter.

"It is no cause for concern, _mon amie,_" Shu soothed. "The teachers have it under control. They're taking it slow with telling those who don't know yet."

He relaxed a little. One less thing for him to do eased the weight on his chest—even if it only felt like a pebble lifted from a mountain.

"You are not alone," Kanata said. "The longer you are 'trapped' in your coffin, the more you will needlessly 'suffer.'"

"So we have come to be your strength! We make quite dashing heroes, do we not?" Wataru, who had shifted to lay in the space between his and Shu's legs, winked.

Rei couldn't help but chuckle. "You certainly do. Villains of the world ought to be wary."

They relaxed in a comfortable silence after that. It was easy to let go around the eccentrics, something Rei had forgotten in the weeks he’d chosen to spend alone. Had that really been needless suffering, as Kanata said? He had a good point: Rei often found himself allowing others to lean on him, no matter the situation. That others would do the same for him should have been a natural thought, but it wasn’t. Rei focused his breathing, listening to the steady thrum of Shu's heartbeat in his ears. Between that, Natsume's head pressed against his back, and Wataru and Kanata’s weight pressing a familiar dip in the bed, there was a strange _lightness_ to it all, as though instead of a pebble, the whole mountain shifted. Suddenly, Shu was rubbing soothing circles across his back, and his cheeks were damp all over again.

“Rei-niisan…” Natsume hugged him tight, and Rei just hiccuped, and cried harder.

Shu’s hand moved up to the back of his head, slowly massaging the base of his neck. “It’s alright. We are here to share your grief. It’s best to let it out like this, when you know you’re not alone.”

Rei choked back a sob. This was so _embarrassing,_ to cry at the drop of a hat like this. Not because it was abnormal, but more that it felt so public. But he had to admit, being alone was a far cry from the sheer warmth and support he felt around him now. He knew how much Shu would typically hate for anyone to get his shirt all snotty and wet with tears, and he knew Natsume wasn’t typically so affectionate, and he knew Kanata was not always so eager to express his own concerns, and he knew Wataru was taking a risk with the student council president simply by being here at all.

But that they were all here, with him, _for_ him, made Rei feel less like his heart was clawing out into a black abyss. There was bright light, all around him—not just his fellow eccentrics, but Kaoru, and Adonis, and Koga, and even the twins, too.

In that moment, his house finally started to feel like a home. And once his tears calmed, he fell asleep.

-:-

One more week passed before Rei felt enough like himself to return to school. It wasn't easy, by any means—he still spent much of his first few days back sleeping or crying in his coffin. Too much of it reminded him of Ritsu.

With time, however, he found his downs started to come with just as many ups.

Hinata and Yuta practically tackled him upon his arrival to the music room, and seeing their relieved smiles and listening to their stories of the last months' events warmed his heart. He stayed for an extra two hours with them that day.

Returning to UNDEAD filled another emptiness in his chest. He was sure to thank Adonis and Koga for cooking for him, and their embarrassment (and Koga's angry blushing) had Rei laughing, genuinely, for the first time in weeks.

After practice (which also ran later than usual, as there was much to catch up on), Kaoru stayed behind. When it was just the two of them, Rei started to ask why he'd stayed, when Kaoru suddenly pulled him into a tight embrace, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm so relieved you're okay to be back," he breathed. "I missed you."

"You've seen me nightly for a couple of weeks, dear," he chuckled, separating from Kaoru in favor of cupping his cheeks in his hands. "Though I know what you mean. Thank you, truly, for handling things so well while I was gone. You've lifted such a weight from my chest."

Kaoru looked sheepish, and Rei relished the sight. "I-it's what I had to do, isn't it?"

"I once knew a Kaoru who would gladly take the chance to shirk his responsibilities," Rei teased, chuckling at the way Kaoru pouted in protest. "You've grown well."

When Kaoru didn't reply, Rei took the opportunity to pull him in for a brief kiss. Ah, how he'd missed the softness of Kaoru's lips on his own. "Thank you, sweetheart, for everything."

Kaoru's fingers tangled in Rei's hair—he could've melted from how soft his touch was. "I didn't do that much."

"Nonsense," Rei countered. "You gave me the push I needed to begin healing, truly."

In lieu of words, Kaoru ducked his head back in the crook of Rei's neck, shifting his arms to give him a small squeeze. It was so endearing that Kaoru was so shy, even when it was only the two of them. It almost made Rei wish he'd come back sooner, if only to have more of this bright warmth in his arms.

"Would you care to spend the night with me?" He asked, feeling oddly vulnerable.

Kaoru nodded. "Of course. Anything."

"Oho," he chuckled, a mischievous mood overtaking him. "_Anything?_"

"Wh–!? _Ugh._ You really are back to your old self," Kaoru grumbled, though his words held no bite.

_My old self, huh?_ He supposed Kaoru was close. While he couldn't say he felt just the way he had before, he knew things would never be the same. But there was hope for him still. Every passing second, every minute, every day, things would get a little better.

As long as he could surround himself with love, like this, Rei felt that he might be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> "Wouldn't it be neat if I made a mirrored fic to [the one I wrote earlier](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19720465) about Kaoru but this time the dead character is Ritsu?" I asked, like a madwoman?
> 
> Yeah. I am so sorry. I promise I don't hate Ritsu.
> 
> The last fic was to vent about how it feels to ache after a loss from long ago, and this fic is to vent about the pain appearing and reappearing and reappearing from a loss that was recent. My vent writing knows no bounds, actually, and poor Kaoru and Rei are stuck in the middle of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, at least! Come find me/yell at me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tidalzora) if you want.


End file.
